Papelbon Blows Another One...Is the Fat Lady Singing Yet?

How many games can Papelbon blow Before he's shipped to another team? How many mistakes can the Red Sawx make Before the game becomes obscene? The answer, my Nation, is blowing in the Fens -- The answer is blowing in the Fens... How many dumb moves can a manger make Before he's booted out the door? How long can a general manager be employed On the fumes of what his team has won long before? The answer, my Nation, is blowing in the Fens... The answer is blowing in the Fens... And how low can Papi batting average go Before he finally retires? How many minor leaguers will play in Fenway Before John Henry approves more big-league hires? The answer, my Nation, is blowing in the Fens -- The answer is blowing in the Fens. Good luck with the Rays, Derek

Papelbon Blows Another

Oh, man, thought the Sawx were on a roll.
But, again, scowling Paps puts the team in a hole.
He was great, once, but now Tito never knows
What he'll get when Paplebon throws.

Did you see what we did in Texas last night?
Down 6-1 to Lee, the game looked like a fright.
But we rallied, 7th, 8th and 9th innings...
Mo came in, Elvis tripled and I wasn't sure we'd be winning.

But ol' Mo took care of the next three
Including free-swinging ol' Vladdy.
Tell Paps to watch the tape, that's how it's done.
(And the closer can smile once in a while -- show he's having fun.)

Good luck in Texas,
Derek

Swish Beats Youk in All-Star Game Vote

Yes, Youk could use the rest instead --
Why not spend the rest of the season in bed?
Bombers rest players by telling them not to hit dingers --
Swish is a big personality&playing well - though not a ringer.

The Nation's comments sound like sour grapes...
Nation can't vote as fast as Yank's apes.
That numbered password thingy might've been confusing --
Or else the Nation's numb from all the recent losing.

See youz in Anaheim,
Derek

Giambi Takes Papelbon Deep, Walks Off

Is it gas -- or the thought of facing a former Yankee
that makes Paps scowl like he smelled something stanky?
What do you call a closer who gives up dingers galore?
"The key to our bullpen," says the Nation with a roar.

Love that Papelbon, doncha RS Nation?
Why not stick him into the rotation?
So fun to see ol' Jason take him deep.
Into his clam chowdah, watch Tito weep.

You need a closer like Donovan, Landon's the man.
Time's expired, he's still doing everything he can.
Paps winces and scowls and throws the heat --
Every Yankee (current and ex-) knows he can be beat.

Is there a doctor in the house?

What's with the Sawx doctors, can't even tell good fibs--
Jacoby's got a bruise, no, that's 2 orders of broken ribs.
Cranky Josh pinched a nerve, no, he wrenched his back.
Dice-K not really on the DL, his arm's just out of whack.

Bean-town's got med schools galore --
Can't John Henry buy a med student who knows the score?
Make a proper diagnosis, treat the patient well --
A random shot in the neck for Scutaro's back, what the hell?

The only healthy guys are the ones in AARP --
Papi, Tek and Lowell, doncha see?
Pede's not hitting, Beltre not fielding
Next up on the DL? Theo should be reeling.

Dinged up but getting it done,
Derek

Sox' Painful Loss to Indians 6/10

That was painful, I must say Young Josh Bard threw the game away. Beltre's heroic dinger couldn't get it done (But for once into another player he didn't run.) It's a long season, many games to go -- Sox hope most are at home, without Injuns or O's. Pap's bereavement? He's mourning the death of Papi's bat. Watch the Sox play? Think I'd rather eat my Yankee cap! We lost to the O's tonight, tho it's been awhile. Seeing youz flop, by the way, made Minka smile. -Derek

Indians Blank O's

TheYanksWin wrote: Oh, boy, that sure was fun! 11-0 (!) shutout by the Indians and Justin Masterson... Sox might like him back, what do you say? Perhaps trade (or give?) Dice-K and Wake away? Why is Tito pitching Nelson and Boof? What about Hall? Does John Henry demand relief work for all? Did Papi whiff twice and go 0 for 3? Feels like April again, eh, whoopee! We're working on your nemesis, the O's, tonight They're barely putting up a fight. Later, Derek

KC Thumps Boston

Oh, no, oh, no -- how can it be?
Lost 2 in a row, will the Sox be swept by stinky KC?
Wake couldn't pitch, VMart needs a bigger glove --
Maybe Theo should re-sign Mirabelli, show him some love.

KC pounded 19 hits plus Yuni's slam - oh wow.
Even crazy Kyle Farnsworth threw well, what now?
Atleast Tito found a new addition to the bullpen, doncha know --
1-2-3 went Hall -- one Sox hurler put on a show.

There's always tomorrow, and Greinke hasn't been sound --
1 and 5, but playing the Sox could turn him around.
A few K's from Papi, a couple double plays --
Remember when the Sox swept the Tampa Bay Rays?

Jacoby's Ribs Still Hurt

Jacoby's not a wuss, you know that's true.

What, for now, can the Sox do?
Keep Darnell in the outfield, he's a fine old lad --
And outfit Beltre with a set (or two) of knee pads.

Injuries hurt, and this is one really odd --
We've got Nick Johnson, whose body is simply flawed.
Both teams are missing Damon, the smiley idiot...
Theo's getting what he paid for, which ain't a lot...

Dice-K Loses Another

That's the Dice-K we all know and love --
He can barely find the catcher's glove.
Walking Royals all over the place --
Wearing out Tek, you can see it in his face.
It's nice to be back home after sweeping the Rays --
Sleepwalking against lousy teams, this could go on for days.
"It ain't Dice-K's fault," the Nation wails, "West is an asss!"
Stop whining, Beantown -- for once, show some class!
See youz in August,
Derek

Rainy Night in the Bronx

TheYanksWin wrote: Congrats to the Sox, I just gotta say You pulled this one out, Paps made a great play on a tough grounder other infielders woulda missed -- another blown save and Paps would've really been pissed. The weather was horrible -- windy, cold, light rain. Multiple injuries -- Beckett and Drew -- a serious pain. MLB should be ashamed for playing in these conditions Look at all the errors by fielders having trouble playing their positions. But it's all about the Benjamins as fans come anyway Buying beer, dogs and ponchos during stupid rain delays. Bottom line is a five run lead is never enough -- When we're playing the Sox -- youz guys are TOUGH... See youz in August, hope it's warmer then, Derek

Sad Day in Beantown

It's a tough day in Beantown, all sadness and worry --
The Yanks bombed Paps with homers in a flurry.
It's hard to watch when decisions go wrong --
The Sox were great, the comeback was so strong.

What happened in the outfield, flies missed left and right?
Why did Tito pull Wakefield, he coulda pitched all night?
Bard coulda finished the game, many strikes he made.
Was Tito scared of Pap's scowl? Or positioning him for a trade?

Sox dingers were flying outta our place --
Papi, Vmart, Youk and Drew -- five homers a game, quite a pace!
But two flat fastballs from Paps, the cranky boy wonder
And the Sox dig themselves deeper, soon six feet under!

See youz -- and cranky Josh -- tonight,
Derek

Yanks Walk Off Vs. Papelbon...

Paps! Paps! You're the Man!
If you can't blow it -- hey, who can?
I know you're tired, too many innings --
I really thought you guys were winning.

We blew it, no doubt, an ugly game.
But came back with dingers off Paps, once and again!
There is good news for the Sox, no doubt --
Papi, Drew, Youk and Vmart drove five (!) balls out.

Dice-K pitched fast, for him, and showed
fastballs and not nibbling lead to more woes.
Those jokers in the outfield -- was that fatigue?
I've seen players catch MUCH better -- in Little League!

Man, I'm beat and now home to bed.
Feel like tonight we really earned our bread.
Hope Minka's there waiting, that would be nice
Can't wait for tomorrow -- can we see Paps twice?

Love the Sox,
Derek

Papi Whiffs Again, Sox Lose to Jays

Oh, Papi, please, Papi -- you did it again?
Caught looking, strike 3, cost the Sox a win?
The Nation screams, "The umpire is nuts!"
Terry gets tossed for telling the ump he's a putz.

Beltre makes it interesting (but, hey, he did make an error);
Darnell hits a pop-up -- thought he was a terror?
Oh, well, there was one highlight to remember --
Strikeout #2000 for Wake...though won't matter in September.

Sorry, Beantown,
Derek

On "Sweet Caroline" at Fenway

"Sweet Caroline"? Huh? Tell me why the Nation goes wild
over a love song to little Caroline Kennedy -- you can't all be pedophiles?
Belted by Neil Diamond, from Brooklyn, is he even a Sox fan?
You've gotta be able to do better, I know youz guys can.

Yanks lost this afternoon, that's a fact -- third in a row.
Still far ahead of the Sox, though, doncha know.
Wake pitched okay -- but he looks a little tubby.
Think he picked up that gut from Papi, who used to be chubby...

Dice-K Wins One, Beats Jays 6-1

Okay, okay, the Sox are on somewhat of a roll --
And Dice-K finally earned a bit of John Henry's billfold.
Tek's still hitting well, what can I say?
Looks like he's finally getting over Hazel Mae.

But next up are the Tigers -- and then the Yanks.
Bet your hurlers won't be throwing blanks.
And you'll be seeing your old friend Johnny D, how scary --
No more hair like Jesus, but he still throws like Mary...

But it don't matter when you're playing DH --
He'll put Lowell and Papi in their place.
Then we'll be waiting to have some fun in New York --
Wish we'd see Beckett again, the guy's such a dork!

Why Doesn't Papi Swing?

Papi, Papi, the Nation gets down on its knees -- Begging "Papi, hit the ball, oh please!" But ol' David doesn't swing, lets the ball go by. "Strike three!" calls the ump, and Papi asks "Why? Oh, why?" Ortiz might be more comfy in AARP than he looks in the batter's box -- Or sitting home on Sunday afternoons with bagels and lox. It's sad when we age, slow down and stop taking PED's But it could be worse, Papi - at least your head's not frozen like Ted's!

Red Sox Avoid Yankee Sweep

Okay, okay, RS Nation, don't get all excited.
You won one of three, don't be so delighted.
Our pitcher looked lost, our hitters were dozing --
and Thames in left field by the Green Monster was frozen.

Marcus seemed to forget that behind him was a wall --
whose height might possibly affect a ball.
Burnett, as noted, was not sharp or even good --
Though if I was Papi, still worry I would.

He hit one deep that years ago would have been gone --
now just a double, how'd David go so wrong?
Everyone else is hitting tonight, Boston's so proud --
Though when the Sox face the O's next month you won't be so loud.

Now Lester's an inspiration, I gotta admit --
Beat that cancer and his pitches give us fits.
He'll be a big star, believe me, I know --
But the rest of your team, ugh, they gotta go.

Now Youk is pretty good, though he needs a shave
(That baboon look -- do women really crave?)
Pedroia is something, and Ellsbury too.
Most of the rest ain't worth my left shoe.

The bullpen is weak, what's Wake doing there?
Dice-K is a waste and doesn't seem to care.
Still do like Varitek, but just gotta say --
He ain't the same stud since losing Hazel Mae.

We'll see youz again in a week or so --
At the Stadium in da Bronx, we'll be ready to go.
Please bring your "A" game and lots of desire --
It's so much more fun when we're fighting down to the wire.


Off to Minka for a massage,
Derek

A long rainy day in Beantown

It's another sad night in Beantown, read 'em and weep --
Tomorrow the Bombers go for a sweep.
Seems some of the Sox can't function in the Fenway glare --
Beltre's got 7 errors ("defense-minded"? Theo, no one compares).

Now, some players do shine under the Green Monster lights --
Tex, for example, hit three dingers into the night.
Young Cervelli and Gardner, that rabbit-fast pair,
Hit balls and stole bases, it almost doesn't seem fair...

We're turning the "bridge year" into an endless Big Dig --
Papi at the plate looks like he's swinging a twig.
I won't make fun of your pen or starting rotation --
But pitching Van Every really won't please the Nation.

He's a nice guy, a sweet-looking boy --
I guess Tex and I were mean to play him like a toy.
Bashing a double and a homer I could barely see --
But, c'mon, Terry, Van Every ain't ready to even throw BP.

So Minka will be watching tomorrow night on ESPN,
and listening to the ramblings of senile Joe Morgan.
She's hoping young Lester doesn't bean me at all --
Though she knows feisty Burnett may hit one and all.


Nighty-night from the Cask 'n Flagon,
Derek

Beckett Loses It -- 10-3 Yanks!

Hey Sawksies-

Beckett's a loser, a jerk, doncha know --
Rattled and hitting batters, nailing Cano.
Hey -- Ortiz got a hit, couple RBI's -- and two K's.
7 srikeouts for young Hughes, the Yanks are pulling away.

Beckett gave up 9 runs -- what an ERA!
Can't wait for tomorrow, hope Cano's okay.
Wake looked almost good in relief, time to dump Dice-K --
Gonna be a long season, Sox trailing all the way!!!

Love that Beantown,
Derek & Minka

Dice-K or Ambien?

Dice K's games are such a snore, Walk, walk, walk and walk a few more. Glad the Sox paid $100+MM for that imposter -- For those bucks many teams fill a whole roster. Is he paid by the pitch? That would explain it. Each pitch so different, VMart can't frame it. Farrell and Francona can't even talk to this dude -- They should curse in Japanese, but that would be rude. Dice-K and Oki together aren't worth one good Wake -- Should Theo cowboy up and admit his mistake?

Papi's Tuesday: 2K's, 2DP's

Terry says, "Papi, Papi, yes he can!"
(If you need a strikeout, he's the man.)
One doubleplay, two doubleplay, yessiree --
Papi's done, why can't Terry (& Theo) see?

On Dice-K's 2010 Debut

It ain't no fun to root for the Sox. Watching $100-mill Dice-K is always a shock. He's fantastic, amazing, unhittable -- in Japan or Triple-A... Don't move him to the pen, he can throw BP okay. For a change, ol' Papi hit a couple dingers -- but Theo, what about the rest of your defense-minded ringers? Guess you can't catch a ball that's flying out of the yahd -- The O's are smiling and hoping for more relief by Mr. Bard. Should be great when we visit, this weekend will be fun. Minka & I will be at the Cask'n Flagon, celebrating after we've won. Best, Derek

Red Sox Swept By O's

Oh no, oh no, say it ain't so - Swept by the hapless O's, three games in a row. Don't the Sawx get some credit -- still signing checks for Julio Lugo? Who is that big guy, striking out left and right? Oh, it's ol' Papi -- once a pitcher's fright. Who's that guy at third, juggling the ball? Oh, it's error-prone Beltre ("Defense!" was Theo's call?) Now Pap's is in, it's a tie on the road -- Thought Francona didn't use his closer to hold? At least it wasn't a dinger that won the game -- Just a walk, a lousy toss -- oh, and a shot all the same. Another sad day in RS Nation, swept by those O's how absurd -- Look at the Yanks, resting Arod and playing back-up catcher at 3rd. Tex hitting as poorly as Papi, yet no one cares. Looking forward to next weekend -- we'll see how the best team fares. XXX, Derek & Minka

Ode to a Tasered Fan

Fans on the field are a pain in the grass, But chubby cops should show some more class. Either chase him down or let the players have some fun -- Wouldn't you love to see Arod or Tex or smiling Swish deck one? Tasers can be fun, just ask Minka! If the Sox hit Papi once or twice, he won't raise a stink-a -- Might boost his BA, certainly couldn't hurt (Minka, tough girl, thinks it's a fine way to flirt.) Smiling every night, Derek